IT'S NOT ABOUT HER
It’s Not About Her.
Most of us know a her. Probably several at a time and many throughout our lives.
Her impeccable style makes you feel inadequate.
Her eloquent words make you stutter.
Her life is completely together.
I remember the first time I came home from middle school complaining of her long hair and her cool clothes and her perfect life. The boys liked her and all the girls wanted to be her friend. I remember dissecting each detail of our lives and complaining about it all to my (very patient) dad.
But what I remember most, what struck me that day, and continues to shape my life today, was his response. That day my dad told me it’s not about Her. It’s not about her or anyone that comes after that. Our lives are about us and our relationship with Jesus, but comparing ourselves to others is the thief of joy.
Instead of taking me shopping to temporarily fix my comparison problem, my parents gave me the best gift they ever could have. They taught me how to change the thing I could change in my world: my attitude. They taught me to speak back to Jesus the words He speaks over me because Jesus has nothing but empowerment and love to give us, but we need to open ourselves up to that in order to get us out of what holds us where we are.
Some of my very favorite phrases I still use on a daily basis I picked up in middle school from my parents. I write about them not just to thank my sweet mom and dad, but because I firmly believe in writing good on the hearts of others and sharing what everyone deserves to know about themselves. Because I want everyone to feel like they’re valued and that they’re enough, but it takes believing some things to get there.
“Insecurities don’t get to be our realities.”
God is so much bigger than them. I’ve never been the size 2 girl and that’s okay. I’ve never been the most talkative girl in the room but I don’t let it define me. I’m going to be other things. And I’m going to believe that Jesus made me exactly as He wanted me, He has a purpose for me, and He is going to use me exactly as I am to fulfill that.
“God has made me beautiful and I love the way I am.”
My dad made me write it in dry erase marker on my bathroom mirror and told me to say it to myself as I looked in the mirror every morning, and to keep repeating it every day until I believed it…and to keep saying it after that, because it’s so important, but so easy to forget.
“Blessed, beloved and beautiful.”
I can’t remember a week going by after that middle school day where my dad hasn’t said those things to me. “You are blessed, beloved, and beautiful and your worth doesn’t come from anything in this world. Your value and your worth come from Jesus.” Middle school Mattie rolled her eyes, but now every time I hear it I’m all, “YEEEEESSSSSS (with snapping fingers)!”
I like to think I’ve outgrown the phase of being jealous of so many her’s, but I don’t know if we ever do. We certainly don’t if we don’t remember to speak truth over our lives and allow ourselves to settle into the comparison or the pity that’s so easy to grab onto. Regardless of how much we grow, though, comparison is hard. Someone always has more friends. Someone is always making more money. Someone is always having more fun. Someone has less social anxiety. Someone seems to have it all.
But the thing I keep reminding myself of, years after my dad told me for the first time, is it’s not about her.
Your calling, your purpose, the reason God has you on this earth gets caught up when you get focused on comparing yourself to others rather than stepping into what God has in front of you. We each walk a different journey. God calls us to different things and different purposes. If we forget these things our insecurities become our identities, but they don’t get to have that kind of power over our lives. We don’t have to feel less than when we see other people succeeding. We can celebrate everyone else’s wins when we remember God has something so uniquely different for us, we just need to be willing.
We find so much more joy, life, and purpose when we give what we have to God to use, instead of holding onto the comfort of comparison and staying where we’re at. Because this life is about so much more than comparing yourself to anyone else.
You’re a queen. You know it, Jesus knows it, value yourself as such and own it.
