THE THINGS WE TRY TO HIDE
I was made to be bold. It bothered me for a long time. I’ve never been one without an opinion or one who sits by and watches something exist in a less-than-stellar form. I observe, I take action, and I address it. Whatever IT is.
About the time I realized that was a unique characteristic in my life, not a personality trait everyone possessed, I learned I’m not a people pleaser and I’m definitely not one to avoid confrontation. I noticed people didn’t always like the part of me that addressed them boldly or challenged them. Even when I did it from a place of love, I began to feel more like a nuisance to the people in my world rather than a helper.
The bold part of me, the part of me that felt the need to speak up, became something I wanted to hide. I tried to let myself melt into the background of a lot of situations. I detached myself enough to avoid strong opinions. I never invested to the point where I truly cared enough to use my voice, because I thought people would like the people pleaser version of myself better than the real one.
My natural inclinations still frustrated me.
Why can’t I just go with the flow all the time?
Why are some people okay with putting 50% effort into something and I can’t rest until 110% has been given?
Why do I have to be the one to speak up?
Why do I have to be the one to plan?
I’ve learned this: we’re all called to be different things and different people. The characteristics of myself I buried and pushed so hard against turned out to be some of my most important qualities.
I was made to be bold. I was made to lead.
You can’t be bold and sit quietly when you see something wrong.
You can’t lead if you aren’t willing to put 110% effort into what/who you’re leading. You also can’t lead without the capability to plan.
I began to step into situations where I spoke up, where I shared my opinion, and where I was able to be my bold self. And rather than finding my world shrink, like I thought it would, it shifted and it expanded. It became bigger and better because I was stepping into the person I was made to be.
Maybe we don’t need to hide things about ourselves to appease the people in our world. Maybe our world needs to grow instead. Each one of us was made unique. We have flaws, that’s certain. But if people can’t see the good in you as you are (and look past a flaw or two), maybe they aren’t your people. Our people need to breathe life into our worlds and speak truth into our lives.
As I’ve been accepting this boldness, I’ve been thinking a lot about who I am and why I’m here at this particular point in time in this particular place on earth. Searching for my purpose, in the most basic term. Every time I pray and ask God what I’m here to do, a form of this phrase comes to mind.
Write words on the hearts of others.
I’m made to encourage people. To write on the hearts of everyone I come into contact with that they are loved, valued, forgiven, and enough. To write that they are blessed, beloved by God, and beautiful. To tell people the negative words Satan tries to write into their lives don’t get to win. I’m here to use my moments to pour into people.
I could never do this being meek or being scared to challenge and dive deep into relationships and join people in their lives where they are. I couldn’t do it without being bold.
Maybe the things we try to hide are the very things we’re supposed to step into. We try to hide them because they’re the parts of us that are vulnerable and imperfect. We’re scared to expose those parts. The thing is, if we always live our lives from a place of comfort, we never grow. When we don’t lean into the challenges, when we just rely on easy wins, we coast through without relying on God or anything but our own strength. But when we press into the things that scare us, when we say yes to those things and we stop hiding the things we want to hide, we have to rely on God. And sometimes saying yes to the things we don’t want to or the things that scare us are the very purpose we’re here.
