YEAR ONE

This year has been the best year of my life. 

 

I moved to a new city where I only knew one person.

I completely built a community for myself.

I began my first post-grad job at a media company in the hair industry, where I get to travel and plan events and use my left brain (analytics) AND my right brain (social creativity).

I’ve filled just about every night with friends or church or events and feel like I’m fully embracing this stage of life.

I’ve spent far too much money on food & drinks.

I joined a church and really started investing in it. Serving, leading, giving, really embracing the church as my own.

I’ve never felt more ownership.

I traveled to a few different states and a few different countries.

I went on dates.

I finally let go of control and am trusting God’s plans because I know they’re better than my own. 

I feel peace.

I feel joy.

I feel contentment.

But this year has also had its own share of troubles. 

I left home.

My sister/person/best friend and I live 20 hours away from each other.

I’ve lost closeness with friends from high school & college.

I’ve felt scared.

I’ve felt inadequate.

I’ve gotten angry & bitter.

I’ve had to learn how to budget and not rely on the safety net of my parents.

I’ve been really stressed out by work.

But when I think back on this year it’s harder to come up with the negative than it is to come up with the positive. It all has to do with my perspective. I don’t believe I’m a negative person, but I’m definitely a realist. Finding the positive in everything hasn’t always been the easiest for me. I’ve been challenged a lot by leaders in my life though to look at growth. What I’ve found is this. Growth usually doesn’t look like we want it to. When we’re in it, it looks a lot more like pain, punishment, or disappointment. Growth means letting go of things that are comfortable in order to step out into something that might not yet seem fully developed.

Growth looks like asking God for boldness, seeing a situation where someone is being mistreated, and speaking up rather than turning the other way to avoid confrontation. 

Growth looks like asking God for patience and not being discouraged as you continue to wait and wait on God to bring you what you’ve been praying for (for weeks, months, even years).

Growth looks like asking God for gentleness and responding calmly when someone yells.

It’s not my natural inclination to respond to things in a growing manner. But this year I’ve learned to. And what i’ve learned is this: when you lean into growth, when you redefine what it means and know, truly know, that God has you and that He is carrying out His plan for you in this, you start to see yourself the way Jesus sees you. You start to see the pieces of the puzzle of your life come together. 

I’ve been asking God for boldness. He asked me to become a leader at my church. 

I asked God for my purpose. The reason I’m here. In this place, in this time, and it looks like leading, encouraging, and building up young women. To make sure they know they’re enough, and loved, and valued.

I’ve asked God why I’m still in seasons I thought would have long passed by now, some I really can't figure out why (hey, transparency), but I know he must have something far better in store for me than I can even imagine.

I’m leaning into this growth and beginning to see what God has for me and it’s so, so good. Because the thing to remember, is, God knows us. Truly knows us. The ins and outs, the ups and downs, the deepest desires and fears. He's got us. Literally nothing is going to happen in life that isn't written in His plan. 

We get caught up in the height of it all. The concepts not making sense, not fitting with our world. But God isn't confined to what we see in this world. He's working in the unseen, always. He can come into our worlds and work through anything. We don't have to live to the doubts, the anxiety, the fear--He's got us. We don't have to manage it all and keep it all together--He's got us. We don't have to control or manipulate or overthink--He's got us. 

Growth is uncomfortable. Letting go of control, rational thinking, and really believing in change for yourself can be so hard. But when we realize how deeply we are loved, how we don't even have to worry for a moment, we become so freed to be the people we're being called to be.